The Holodeck and Other Things
by PenguinQueen
Summary: A REAL summary!- Two teens get beamed aboard the Enterprise, carrying information that puts the crew in danger! R&R! This used to be Monty and Tat...
1. Tatiana, I'm Running Away

Disclaimer: Wow... officialness! Ok, I'll be nice and official: I do not own Star Trek. How was that? Good? Yay! I do, however, own Tatiana and Monty. Yeppers! And I own my puzzle. And my rock-and-roll-hall-of-fame wristband. Yes, to my fellow classmate-Trekkies, I'm still wearing it. Though you can't see the writing anymore, it's all faded... and stuff.  
  
(A/N- Yay! My very first author's note! That is SO exciting! Ok, special little message to Ariennye, Happi Froggi, and i_am_bug... remember that story I wrote? The one with Monty, the Trekkie, and the Data action figure? Well, I deleted the old copy (waah!) but this is the new version. Yup.)  
  
"Tatiana, I'm running away."  
"Don't be stupid, Monty. You can't run away."  
"Why not?"  
"You just can't."  
"Why not?"  
"Becuase... because it's stupid. People don't run away. It just doesn't happen, ok? The world doesn't work that way. Kids run away, Monty, not sixteen-year-olds. (A/N- ok, I'm sorry- hang my head- I'm making my characters sixteen. Bad! Bad! I shouldn't make my characters sixteen, since I don't know what it's like to be sixteen, because I've never been sixteen, and so I won't understand my charcters, which is never a good thing. But I'm doing it anyhow.) Don't talk about this again."  
"Tatiana, you can't stop me."  
Silence.  
"I am running away. Now, you can come, or you can stay behind, living the same old life, day after day, everyday. You complained to me, once, remember? You complained, it's always the same, Monty. Nothing ever changes. Do you remember?"  
"I remember."  
"Well, it's gonna change. At least for me. And maybe for you, too, if you're smart and you come with me. You have a choice, Tat, come, or be left behind. Come on, Tat, what'll it be?"  
Silence.  
"Tat! This is your chance! It's all arranged, we'll fly to California, and then-"  
"And then what, Monty?"  
"And then who knows? Who cares? I don't. Tell me Tat, are you coming?"  
First, silence. Then, very quietly- "yes." 


	2. Aboard the Enterprise

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. Wow! I am so good at that! I can add it to my list of special talents, let's see... being clicker, being a paper- holder, writing disclaimers... : )  
  
(A/N- I know my chapters are short, but I'll work on making them longer in the future. Sorry!)  
  
All was normal aboard the Enterprise. Spock was logical, McCoy was annoyed, and Kirk was, well, Kirk. (A/N- surprise, surprise). Not much was happening, not much had happened for the past few weeks, and the crew was almost bored. Almost. Of course, life is never boring aboard the Enterprise, what with what the other authors have been putting these characters through.  
They were in orbit around the planet GanGarius 3, beaming up the last of an away party that had been researching a certain kind of plant that was rumoured to turn anyone who touched it a cheerfull shade of purple.  
Ensign Luck was standing at the controls of the transporter, watching as the last of the away team stepped off the transport pads. "How was it, Jack, any success?" Luck asked as he turned away from the controls.  
"Nope. Not more than could be expected. We located the plant, made contact with it, but we could only get Rob to turn a pale pink, though it might've been sunburn, you never know-"  
Ensign Jack Sputters was cut off as two pillars of light appeared on the pads, and two very, very confused looking teenagers glanced fearfully around the room.  
  
(A/N- Flashback! It is of the utmost importance that you realize that this is, indeed, a flashback!)  
Monty and Tatiana left that evening, after Tatiana had packed a small bag impressively quickly and Monty had pulled a small suitcase from behind the bushes in front of Tatiana's house. (A/N- no, it didn't just appear, Monty had put it there earlier, knowing that after he convinced Tat, time would be very limited to get to the airport and make the flight.)  
They hopped into Monty's car, Tatiana shrieking in terror at Monty's...er... driving style. They were at the airport in fifteen minutes, got their tickets, raced through the metal detectors, and were there just as the flight attendant was making a final call for boarding. They tore onto the plane and took their seats, panting as they tucked their carry-on sized luggage under their seats and snapping their seatbelts on.  
"So..." Tatiana panted, turning to Monty, "where on earth'd you get the money?"  
Monty smiled a very awkward smile that clearly said I-did-something- wrong-and-I-had-managed-to-forget-it-until-you-unkindly-reminded-me. "Um..."  
"Monty" Tat growled, dragging out his name.  
"College funds." He said quickly, then pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the airplane window, his eyes trying to penetrate the darkness of ten o'clock pm. He was breathing heavily, and when Tat started to speak, he closed his eyes, trying to shut out tthe sound of her voice.  
"Monty!" Tatiana exclaimed. "Why?"  
"Because I don't want to go to college. I can't. Tat, I know what's in my future, I just do. And it's not college."  
Tat sighed, but said no more.  
  
An hour later, every passenger on the plane was asleep, except a small five year-old girl who oohed and awwed at the pretty colors as two passengers in the seat across from her dissapeared. 


	3. The Transporter Room

Disclaimer: I, PenguinQueen of the PenguinRealm (onewordedness!) do not own Star Trek, the Most Amazing Show That Could Ever Possibly Exist. Yup.  
  
Tatiana had known Monty for a good part of her life, ten years of it, to be precise. She was well aware that it was not wise to expect anything but the unexpected around him. Over those ten years she had also, on more than one occasion, wondered if he needed mental help, more seriously than the many jokes she had made on the subject.  
Also, being a good friend of Monty's, an established Trekkie, for ten years meant that she had seen more Star Trek episodes than she had ever wanted to, and thus could easily recognize the transporter room of the TOS Enterprise.  
When she suddenly appeared in it, she did not shriek, her jaw didn't even drop. Instead, she turned to Monty and said, in a calm that Spock would have been impressed by, "Monty, this is not California."  
  
Monty's real name was not, in fact, Monty. It was Michael Jones, but he glared at anyone who called him that. It didn't matter if it was a parent, doctor, teacher or principal, he wouldn't put up with it. No. He refused to be called Michael. Michael was a boring, dull, everyday name. As a replacement, he had chosen Montgomery (A/N- take a wild, wild guess at his favorite character), but no one ever called him that. And so, he became Monty.  
Standing in the transporter room of the Enterprise, Monty did a combination of things that normally would have been used by his favorite characters. Raised eyebrows- Spock. A look of absolute confusion under those eyebrows- Kirk. Slight swearing under his breath- the good doctor, McCoy. But collapsing to a kneeling position on the floor was completely his own.  
When Tat told him where he was not, he merely looked up at her, his mouth hanging open in complete and utter confusion, like she was speaking some strange language that he could not understand. California? What?  
  
Enisgn Luck had the most sense of anyone in that room. He pushed a button on the comm unit on the wall and reported, "transporter room to Captain Kirk."  
"Yes, what is it?" A voice that sounded slightly irritated at being interupted came bounding out of the comm. Slowly, slowly, Monty turned his gaze to Ensign Luck and the comm unit. His mouth closed, but other than that, he remained completely still.  
"Um, well sir, we've just beamed aboard two people that do not belong on this ship."  
"Well, why'd you do that?"  
"Um, we didn't, sir. They beamed aboard, but not from my controls."  
"Do they look dangerous?"  
Luck looked over to the zoned-out Monty and observant Tat. "No, sir, they're just teens."  
"Bring them to the um... hmm. Ok, bring them to the bridge." Kirk finished. Why not? He didn't feel like leaving his command chair at the moment, it was padded an besides, he had the whole ship at his fingertips. Who cared if two lost teenagers got a tour up there?  
Monty grinned an ear-splitting grin when he heard this. The bridge! They were going to the bridge! Oh joy of joys, the bridge!  
Tat rolled her eyes and dragged a beaming Monty of the transporter pad and after Ensign Jack Stutters, en route to 'The Bridge'. 


	4. The Bridge

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, which is a real shame because if I DID, then I wouldn't be stuck in Utah. I'd be really rich and would buy myself a plane ticket back home. Sigh. And I would get that Lord of the Rings Set of leather-bound books that costs like a zillion dollars. Sigh.  
  
Captain James T. Kirk wheeled around in his captain's chair to face the turbolift and watch as two teenagers stepped out, one with a look of extreme awe on their face and the other gazing nonchalantly around the room. "Welcome to the Enterprise," he said with a very Kirk-y smile.  
Monty gaped at his surroundings.  
Tat took one glance at her friend, sighed, then said, "thanks," to the captain.  
He smiled slightly at her in a far less Kirk-ish way, glanced worriedly over at Monty and then asked, "may I ask as to your names, and to why you are here?"  
"He's Monty, and I'm Tatiana. We-"  
"Ah!" Chekov exclaimed. He looked slightly embarrassed as everyone on the bridge turned to stare at him. "Tatiana. eet is a Russian name. eet is.eet. yes." He turned back to his console, adopting a very stiff expression. Kirk sighed.  
"Anyhow," Tat continued, "we're from. earth, year 2003, and we. well, we're here." The lame ending earned her raised eyebrows from, let's see. hmm. one, two, three- five, no wait-six people on the bridge. Oddly, Spock was not one of them.  
Finally Monty spoke. "Where's my bag?" He gasped, looking around desperately. "Oh no. oh no. I had all the vitals. oh no."  
"If you mean toothbrushes and such, we have plenty on the ship," Uhura said kindly.  
But Monty was shaking his head furiously. "No. no, you don't understand. I had all of TOS, and more than half of TNG, and even a few DS9s, and my Spock action figure." he stopped ranting when he saw the expression on Spock's face. The Vulcan was evidently having a hard time contemplating the idea of a 'Spock action figure'. McCoy would have moaned to have missed the look on the his face.  
Then suddenly, Luck stepped into the room and handed the bag to Monty, who cheered and asked, "anyone want to see something interesting?" 


	5. Some Stuff ActuallyHappens or Monty'sBag

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. I do not own Spock, I do not own Scotty, I do not own Kirk, I do not own Chekov, I do not own ANYTHING. Get it? Good.  
  
(A/N- I forgot to add this to my last chapter, but thanks, Bug, for alerting me about the first chapter. It was late, and I hadn't quite figured out how to upload chapters. I changed it. even though it hasn't changed yet. don't ask me. Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers (2). Thank you, thank you, thank you.)  
  
Three Standard Earth Hours later, Monty had a good part of the crew gathered in the rec. room. Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Chekov, Kirk, Uhura, and a whole bunch of red shirts. The experience was promised to be 'a most fascinating learning opportunity', which of course got Spock interested right away.  
Monty popped in a TOS tape and settled back to watch the show.  
  
As the episode progressed, Tat became increasingly interested in watching the captain's facial expressions. They followed a fascinatingly up- and-down motion, from a broad grin when he saw himself on the screen to a disappointed frown whenever the camera zoomed in on any of the other characters. She could've sworn that she heard him mutter something about the director getting him from the wrong angle in one of his near-death scenes.  
She glanced over at Spock. How would the science officer take all this? She mentally laughed at herself. Duh, he was as impassive as ever, only a mild interest showing itself on his features, and the occasional 'fascinating' or 'illogical' under his breath.  
She looked to the back of the room and grinned when she saw Scotty looking worriedly as the on-the-television-Scotty said something to the effect of the 'but captain, sh' canna take much more.' The real-life Scotty was also mumbling under his breath, but it was something about, 'well now, if ye'd just switch the conflabilator over to neutral and reattach the garnamater to the margiatonafier."  
The episode ended, and Monty popped in another one, to many encouraging noises from the small crowd. This time it was TNG, and Scotty got himself a front-row seat, his eyes wide as he took in as much of the advanced technology as possible. As the holodeck showed, his mouth dropped open slightly. "Well now," Tat heard him mutter. "Ah, sh's a beaut an' no mistake."  
After they had watched a total of three episodes, Kirk mumbled something about having to get back to work, and the rest of the crew followed glumly. Spock put down the action-figure, which he had been looking over with one eyebrow raised, turned to Monty, and said, "thank you for that experience. It was most. fascinating."  
Monty grinned, bouncing on his toes as he stuffed his collection back into his bag.  
It was getting late, so Monty and Tat allowed one of the crew-men to lead them off to their quarters. (A/N- quarterS, as in plural, as in Tat in one and Monty in another). 


	6. Are You Sure That was Such a Bright Idea

Disclaimer: I no own Star Trek. I do not own Star Trek. Star Trek, I do not own. I own not Star Trek. Star Trek, I own not.  
  
Reviewer replies: I forgot to do this for all my other chapters, but I'm doing it now. So. yeah. Warning- this might be a little long, because I am SO excited to have reviewers. Review! Review! Review!  
  
Ster J- Usually, I only write stories that come from completely my own ideas. This is my first Trek story, and to be completely honest- I wasn't exactly sure how it would tie into Star Trek when I first started it.  
  
I_am_bug- thanks for telling me about that mistake on chapter one. as I said earlier, it was late, and I wasn't quite sure how to upload chapters separately.  
  
Ariennye- Thanks!  
  
Sukuru- Thank you, thank you very much! Oh, and by the way, what on earth is a ByeloRhus?  
  
(A/N- You know that little thing- I forget what it's called- with the three dots in a row? To indicate a pause, or something? Whenever I type that in Word Document and then download it onto FanFic, it turns into just- a single dot ( . ). What do I do???!!! It's a little thing, but SO annoying. If anyone can tell me how to solve this. tell! Thank you!)  
  
And now, the actual story!  
  
It was late. Monty was tired. And thus, he was also extremely annoyed when he heard a knock on his door.  
"Come," he mumbled from a comfortable armchair in the middle of the room.  
Tat strode lightly in and sat in a chair across from his.  
"Well?" He asked impatiently, wanting to go to sleep more than anything.  
"Do you think that was such a bright idea?" Tat asked, watching him carefully.  
"What?"  
"Do you think that was-"  
"I heard what you said," he interrupted. "What do you mean?"  
Tat sighed with an air of superiority, like Monty was being extremely stupid which, in her mind, he was. "Showing them those tapes. Look," she added, to the blank look on his face, "we're in the future, correct?"  
"What?"  
"Somehow, Star Trek must be real. Obviously, since we are currently sitting in the Enterprise. Now, this is not possible in our time, and it was not possible in the past. So it follows, logically, that we must be in the future."  
Monty nodded slightly.  
"Now. Those tapes that you showed them, the TNG ones? Well, those are from the future, too. But from a far more distant future. If everything in TOS is real, then it makes sense that everything in TNG is equally possible.  
"In our time, back on earth, we have the tapes. But it's not a problem, 'cause no one believes that anything on them is possible, except you and your fellow Trekkies, who aren't going to go build another Enterprise. So, we're safe.  
"But here, they'll believe that everything in TNG is possible, because they're relatively close to that technology themselves, and thus attempt to build things shown in those tapes, messing up the timeline and irreversibly changing all of everything forever."  
Monty stared at her blankly for a moment, then said, "dramatic."  
"Uggh!" She exclaimed, standing quickly. "You are SO hopeless!" She stormed out of the room, leaving Monty to gaze down at his bag of tapes. Maybe, he thought, Tat wasn't being so ridiculous after all.  
  
Scotty had called a brief meeting in the briefing room for the senior officers. They were gathered around the table, Spock, McCoy, Kirk, Chekov, Uhura, and Sulu. Scotty stood at the head of the table, waiting for quiet. Quiet came.  
"Well na," he said, then paused a moment before continuing. "I canna believe it. No affense meant to m' fella' officers, but this is a disgrace."  
They stared at him blankly, and so he was forced to continue. "Were ye not watchin' those tapes?" He asked incredulously. (A/N- I think that word works there, it sound right, but I'm not quite sure.)  
"Scotty, everyone here, with the exception of Sulu, was watching the episodes. What is you point?" Kirk asked.  
"I believe, Captain," Spock interrupted, "that Mr. Scott is suggesting that we should have more carefully examined some of the tapes from the future, as they contained significant information regarding advances in technology."  
Scotty beamed. "Well done, Spock," he said.  
"Spock," Kirk asked, "how'd you know that?"  
There it went again. The Raising of the Eyebrow. "It was perfectly logical, Captain, to assume, taking in to account that it was Mr. Scott who was speaking, that it had something to do with technology. The rest was obvious."  
"Oh."  
Silence.  
"Anyhow..." someone said.  
'Yes." Scotty looked busy again. "Captain, if ah could only have one more look at those tapes, ah could..."  
"Scotty, are you sure that's such a bright idea? Building that technology, I mean." McCoy asked.  
"Wha not?"  
McCoy, along with some help from Spock and the rest of the crew assembled there (with the exception of Chekov, and Kirk, who both rather agreed with what Scotty was saying) explained to Scotty basically what Tat had explained to Monty a few hours previously. The Captain and Chief Engineer, however, were not convinced.  
"Right then," Kirk eventually concluded. "Tomorrow we'll have another look at those tapes, and see what we can make of them."  
  
"Captain!" an excited voice exclaimed over the comm unit. "I've got it!"  
"Got what, Scotty?" Kirk asked.  
"The answer!"  
"What, may I ask, is the question?"  
Scotty paused. "Well, laddie-buck, ah suppose it wasn't a question exactly... but remember m' suggestion? About reviewing those tapes?"  
"Yes."  
"Do y' remember, then, from the er... 'TNG' episode, the 'holodeck' they featured?"  
"Yes."  
"Good! Well na, ah've got the perfect place to build one!"  
"Where?"  
  
The broom closet was small, full of brooms, and, in essence- a broom closet. Strange, Kirk thought as he looked at it, I never realized there were broom closets on the Enterprise before.  
He turned to Scotty. The engineer was happily bouncing on his toes, grinning from ear to ear. "Let me ask, once more," Kirk said, "you want to build a holodeck in this broom closet?"  
"Yes sir! Just a mini one, though. Ah was thinkin', we could have whoever's running it sit in a chair. Not enough space for them to move around in, so they just sit."  
To be perfectly honest, Kirk highly doubted they would be able to build a holodeck. It just didn't seem very likely. But of course, the Scotsman was a BRILLIANT engineer, so he figured it was worth a try. "Sure, go for it, Scotty," he said.  
  
None of the bridge crew had seen either Tat or Monty for a couple of days... but no one worried about it, or even remember that the two existed. Scotty went to Monty to borrow the holodeck episode, but other than that- they sat in their rooms.  
Neither had spoken to the other after their argument. Usually, Tat was the one to apologize, but she didn't want to have that role now. Instead, she took to wandering the Enterprise, interviewing various red shirts about what it was like to be a red shirt.  
Monty did the same, though he liked to sit in the mess hall and watch people eat. Whenever someone he recognized from the show walked in, he got a table near to theirs and listened in on what they were saying.  
  
A week later, a random red shirt sat in the broom closet, ready and waiting to be the first person to experience the illusions of a holodeck. 


	7. Going Home, Leaving Trouble Behind

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN STAR TREK. AS IN, STAR TREK- I DO NOT OWN. STAR TREK, I OWN NOT. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS!!!!  
  
Scotty had been busy. While building the holodeck, he had also supervised some other engineering people as they rewired the transporter to send Monty and Tatiana home. And, a few days before the holodeck was finished, the transporter was ready.  
Monty and Tat stood on the pad. Mr. Scott had explained to them that there had been a malfunction, because the conflabitator had disconnected the montariyulifier, creating a temporary time-warp that ended up pulling the two teens forward in time. And now, by switching the galrifnateringer so that it was rerouted through the jomangier, they were able to send them back.  
Monty and Tat had each gotten a signature from each one of the bridge crew, as well as over thirteen random red-shirts. Monty had also left Spock with the action figure, even though the Vulcan had tried to refuse.  
  
They stood on the pad. It had been arranged that they would be beamed back to Tat's front yard, the night they had decided to run away. Monty no longer hungered for that. He had had quite enough of this adventure business, and was ready to go home. As was Tat.  
Ensign Luck pulled down the switch, and Monty and Tat disappeared into two shining pillars of light. 


	8. The Holodeck

Disclaimer: Wow! For a second there, there was a momentary shift in the universe and I actually owned Star Trek! But now it's over, and it's Paramount's again. : (  
  
Chapter 8- The Holodeck  
  
Ensign Roley sat in a hard wooden chair in a dark broom closet. Normally, this would not be his location of choice, but today was different.  
Roley thought himself to be very lucky. He never died, never was even seriously injured. Ok, on that one mission he had broken a couple of ribs and a leg, but broken bones were papercuts to red shirts. And now, he was sitting in the holodeck.  
Suddenly, the dull black walls died away and were replaced by blue- lots and lots of blue. Then there was a whirring noise overhead, flashing lights, cheesy sixties music trying to convey a lot of emotion but failing, and sparks flew.  
  
A bolt of energy surged through the ship. Spock drew his hands away from the controls sharply. His usually plastic-looking hair stood out in all directions. Bones, being lucky, was on the bridge at that moment and got a very, very good laugh out of it. "What," Spock asked, turning to Bones, a look of deep confusion on his face, "do you find so amusing?"  
  
The holodeck is created to project images. Usually, it is impossible for these images to leave the holodeck, but despite Mr. Scott's engineering genius, something went wrong that resulted in a large, purple and pink polka dotted (A/N- not hamster... not hamster...) elephant (shrunk a bit) running through the corridors at break-neck speed.  
Chekov was surprised to find himself wearing a large acid-green top- hat, and Kirk's eyes went wide with surprise as he found himself going from unnaturally small to unnaturally large in size.  
The blue monkey snorted and danced as it went swimming in the floor, and the Chief Engineer cried out in alarm as his bagpipes suddenly sprouted wings and flew away.  
In short, the Enterprise went insane, extreme randomness occurred, and the cameraman got fed up and went to by himself a donut, leaving the camera zoomed in on a blank wall and missing all the action.  
  
(A/N- *ducking* ahh! Please don't through tomatoes! Ok... I really should be better at creating randomness then that. Occasionally I am...ooh! I just got a brilliant idea! There may just be a story appearing soon where I prove that I AM, in fact, capable of randomness. Maybe. We'll see...) 


	9. Fionnlagh

Disclaimer: My pet penguin does not own Star Trek. And, tragically, neither do I.  
  
(A/N- Please note- While I appreciate constructive criticism to the fullest extent, reviews that are not helpful in bettering my stories are not appreciated. It would be much more helpful if, instead of saying 'your plot was unoriginal and dull,' you wrote, 'I didn't like ___________ about your plot because it was _______________. The story would be better if you changed ___________ to ___________.' Suggestions like that would be very helpful to me. Also, this story, The Holodeck, is my first Star Trek fic and therefore you cannot expect too much of it. The Holodeck was basically me testing the FanFiction waters, figuring out how to set up an account and update, see what people like and don't like, etc., etc. Oh, and please- don't judge my story until you've read the whole thing. It's just not fair to say that it stinks after only reading chapter one. One last thing- I'm writing Star Trek fics for two reasons- one, they're fun to write, and two- I'm practicing my writing. I don't except to make any money off of them or be nationally acclaimed or anything (I do my own fiction writing for that), these stories are just me having fun and trying things out. THANK YOU!)  
  
(A/N 2- On a lighter note, I'd also like to request that reviewers don't say things like, 'ok, I'll shut up now,' or 'ok, I'll stop bugging you now.' That annoys the heck out of me! I LOVE reviews, and none of you have to apologize for reviewing!!! Don't shut up, don't stop bugging me, review!)  
  
Chapter 9- Fionnlagh  
  
Chief Engineer Scott was breathing heavily. Actually, it was a downright pant. He was standing pressed up against a wall, breathing heavily, with his eyes closed. The reason for this, we find as the camera (the camera man has finished his donut by now) turns to show an ostrich holding a dagger to the Engineer's chest.  
The ostrich was of average size, neither especially large nor especially small. It was not bright blue or hot pink, but instead a dull brown. The dagger in its beak was becoming rather slimy, as it was covered in ostrich-spit. The ostrich rolled it around in his beak, adjusting the position. He was ready to strike, he arched his head back, and then-  
Scotty's bagpipes came zooming down the corridor, savoring the freedom of their new-found pair of wings. Whack! A little too fast, and they collided with the side of the ostrich's head, sending the dagger flying through the air, out of control. Upon landing, the dagger shuddered horribly and ran away, hopping on its single-leg of a handle. The ostrich lay unconscious on the floor.  
Scotty took up his bagpipes, who were beaming up at him, and said, "wha, thank ye, wee laddie-buck."  
  
Ensign Roley was stuck in the 'holodeck'. It was no longer blue. There were no more flashing lights, and no more cheesy sixties music. In fact, there was no light at all, as well as no sound- aside from the sounds of four or five crew members screeching as they were chased down the corridor by an elephant. Pink and purple elephant, but Roley didn't know that.  
He got up from his chair and walked slowly toward the 'holodeck' door. "Open". Nothing happened. "Grr," he growled. "Open- sesame!" He exclaimed sarcastically. The door swung open. He grinned and ran out into the corridor, eager to join the action. "Arrgh!" he screeched, as a pink and purple elephant came charging towards him.  
  
Dr. McCoy stood in sickbay, pausing between patients. He had crewmembers suffering from things varying from bee-stings to elephant injuries. There was even one young ensign who had found herself stuck in a lightbulb.  
McCoy sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hands. The world is insane, he thought glumly. The whole world, no- the whole UNIVERSE is absolutely nuts. Jim's lost it, Scotty's lost it, Chekov's lost it, I've lost it, Spock's- he laughed to himself. Ok, Spock is still Spock. But other than that, everyone's lost it. If they ever had it to begin with, which I doubt.  
Scotty came running into sickbay, his bagpipes in his arms. "Oh no," Bones groaned. "You too?"  
"No, ah-"  
The distressed doctor interrupted the distressed engineer. "Ok, ok, then what are you doing here?"  
Scotty, unable to speak, thrust his bagpipes forward. There was a large rip in one of the bags.  
Yup, Bones thought, Scotty's lost it, alright. "Scotty," he said as gently as he could, "I don't treat bagpipes. I treat PEOPLE."  
"Ye treat anythan' livin', right?"  
"Yes, but bagpipes aren't-"  
"Look!" Scott turned them over, and Bones was actually not at all surprised to see a face in the folds of cloth, breathing laboriously. He then noticed the pair of white wings that was flapping weakly.  
McCoy sighed. Oh dear, he thought, oh dear.  
  
Spock watched impassively as the captain got chased off the bridge by a stepladder. Perhaps he should assist. No, it would be far more logical to assist in an activity that was the benefit of more than one person. He decided to take a trip to sick bay.  
Once there, he frowned at the sight of Mr. Scott's bagpipes lying on a biobed, its readings beeping unsteadily. Its condition seemed to be worsening. He made this observation to a frantic Dr. McCoy who snapped, "I know, you pointy-eared, green-blooded hob-goblin! If you have had training in treating bagpipes for serious injuries, just let me know!"  
Spock raised his eyebrows, but did not comment further.  
Scotty returned moments later, after having a 'wee bairn break' from sick bay. He strode over to his bagpipes and asked of Dr. McCoy, "so, how is wee Fionnlagh?"  
"Phone-lag?" Bones asked incredulously. "You named it Phone-lag?"  
"Nay!" Scotty exclaimed, scowling. "Fionnlagh, Fionnlagh! Tis pronounced FYOON lugh. T' means 'white hero' in the fine old language of the Scots, a far more respectable race than your Louisiana-an."  
"It's GEORGIA, I'm from Georgia!" McCoy growled. (A/N- is he? I'm not exactly 100% positive...)  
"And he is just that- a hero," Scotty beamed. "He saved mah life, don'cha know."  
McCoy nodded slowly. "Anyhow, Phone-Lag's doin' fine." Scotty scowled but said nothing.  
  
Kirk lay on the floor, face down. This was not the most comfortable position to be in, but he didn't really care at the moment. He had become a starship captain for the fame and glory and adventure... but, he thought, depressed, now his ship had been overrun by ostriches, stepladders, and elephants. No, there was only one elephant, but still...  
He sighed, opening his mouth to do so. Which resulted in a fuzzy in his mouth. A fuzzy that just refused to come out. Oh, the woes of a captain!  
  
(A/N- I'm rather fond of that chapter, myself... Fionnlagh is my friend! And, I actually did like fifteen minutes of research to find that name, so congratulate me when you review which you will, of course, right? Right?) 


End file.
